I am super excited about today, because, this will be my first blog post…. EVER! Some people may love it, some people may hate it and some may think its an utterly useless waste of their time to read it, but that’s okay, each to their own. There is no title to this post, no real specificity or purpose, but maybe it will connect with someone on a deeper level who has been through a similar situation recently.
It’s the 21st November 2018. A sunny spring day and I’m sitting at the dining table, drinking my cold coffee, mind you, it has been heated up three times already. I am typing these words on my shitty laptop thinking of what to do with myself for the rest of the day. Gym, Netflix & chill, or something actually productive? My Netflix and chill usually involves watching the wiggles or Moana for the 100th time because that what my 14 month old son enjoys. On a side note though, thank you Walt Disney for your creative intellect and my childhood memories.
(30 mins later…)
I decided to throw out my coffee and make a new one. It’s probably not a smart idea to heat up milk four times over, let alone three. I cant say 30 minutes justifies the amount of time required to make a coffee, but hey, I get distracted easily.
I am sitting at the table thinking about what to do with myself, I have this feeling of being content. By no means do I want to sit at this dining table forever and ponder the things I could do each day, but in this moment, I am content, and to me, content means happy. (If you google the word ‘content’, as an adjective it’s described as being a ‘state of peaceful happiness’. This sounds about right.
Although I’m not perfect, (far from it), I’m a single mum, I hardly have any savings, I own an average car, live in an average house, and I guess in general live an average life, but average is perfect in my eyes, and for that I am grateful. There are people in this wonderfully cruel world who have nothing so I will always be appreciative of what I have. I have the most beautiful two best friends in the world, one of which recently got engaged and one whom I am visiting very soon as she lives interstate. I will probably blog about this, because in my 23 three years of life, this will be my FIRST ever plane flight, I know right, exciting eh? I have an amazing family and support network around, which doesn’t mean everything is perfect, but to me, having friends and family is all I need to be content with my life. I couldn’t care less about the fancy materialistic things, they aren’t important to me.
So, how did I get to this feeling of being content?
It was only a short time ago that the man who I was on and off with for a while decided he didn’t love me like he used to. I’ll admit, I have never felt so heartbroken. This person who has been there since before my son was born, so this is a kind of an emotional topic. Believing that you could potentially be with someone for the rest of your life and then having that belief turned into disbelief. I am not mad at him though, I am mainly disappointed with the outcome. You can’t blame someone for being honest and telling you they don’t have love for you anymore? More so, the saddest part about being told someone doesn’t love you anymore, (from my perspective) is the shitty feelings and emotions that you experience after the fact. For me, I felt like I was useless, my self esteem immediately went downhill and I cried each night knowing that he probably didn’t think about how I was feeling.
You know what though, fast forward a few weeks and although I am not over it and still have an immense amount of love for this person, I am thankful. Thankful for him being honest and thankful that I have realised, maybe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it’s a sign to focus on myself for once. Majority of my life has been dedicated to making sure everyone else is happy, and now it’s time to make myself happy. A favourite quote of mine from Doctor Seuss – “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”.
Fast forward again to this very moment, sitting here at the dining table still typing on my shitty laptop, I am happy. I am focusing on myself and my son, writing my first blog post which I have wanted to do for god knows how long, not caring about things that don’t matter and it feels great. Thinking about whether I’ll go to the gym, or what to watch on Netflix rather than working myself up over the little things in life that don’t make me happy.
I guess what I would like to say is that you may have been through a similar situation and have the same horrible feelings that I felt, but know that there billions of people on this earth and a large portion of these people are most probably experiencing those feelings at this very moment in time. If someone doesn’t love you for who you are, there will be plenty of fish in the sea who will. It may sometimes feel lonely where ever you are, but remember that you’re never alone.
Be kind to yourself, love yourself, appreciate the things you have and and most of all, focus on you once in a while. Be content with yourself and you will find happiness.
PS: Please comment, let me know your opinion, send me an email or post in the forum to start a new chat, even if it’s a completley random topic, I would love to hear what you have to say. Also, if there are any kind souls out there can give me some advice on the following topics, that would be great.
- As mentioned in my post, I have a shitty computer, It’s an Acer, It’s heavy, slow, and for some reason the screen is blackened out, like blotches? Whenever I type something in word and go to save it, it doesn’t respond and loses my documents. But anyway, if anyone has any advice on brands of laptops that are lightweight, touch screen preferably and I need lots of memory/storage, what ever its called, for study, that would be great.
- I also mentioned in my post that I am flying soon. This will be with a 14 month old. I would love to hear your experiences with youngins on flights. The good, the bad, the downright hilarious. And I have heard its quite a horrible experience for little ones due to the pressure difference; is this true?
Feel free to comment on this post with advice!